Our fate

January 30, 2008 at 12:59 pm (adoption, family, foster, fostering, home study, homestudy) (, , , )

Our fate as potential adoptive parents has likely already been decided. Council was this morning, and our social worker was scheduled to present our file then. It’s nerve wracking to know that THEY, the supreme power in this adoption dance, know our fate, yet we will not know until tomorrow. I doubt I’ll sleep tonight.

The feeling is very much like after getting the egg retrieval done for IVF, knowing I’d done everything right and F had done everything right, and that we no longer had control. Some embryologist knew what was going on with our potential babies, and we were at her mercy to keep us informed. It’s unsettling, but tomorrow, by this time (hopefully) we’ll know the answer to the burning question:

Did we pass our homestudy?!?

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Morning Sickness???

January 15, 2008 at 8:34 am (adoption, homestudy) (, , , , )

Well, I spent the night tossing and turning, it was not a restful sleep at all.  I did sleep though, I was too exhausted to do anything else.  All night my dreams rotated around the same theme, having children placed with us.  In one dream, we sent back a child because her cheekbones weren’t right, in another, the biological parents were perfect and we were the ones who neglected the kids.  It was quite nightmarish actually, because I could feel my mind fighting these things, I knew, even as I slept, that they could not be real.  In a few dreams, we had cat-like children placed with us, which I thoroughly blame on JM, a former friend of mine who used to dream of giving birth to kittens during her fertility treatments.  This whole ride (infertility, adoption, etc.) just really messes with your mind.

What no one told me, not online or in person, was that I’d spend the morning of the home evaluation vomiting in the same toilet I spent half an hour scrubbing last night.  It’s nerves, and I can still feel it, but since my stomach is now empty I think I’m done with my “morning sickness”.  Funny thing was, I spent the whole time thinking about how I would now have to rescrub the damn toilet.  *sigh*  Oh well, at least I don’t have months of this, but for today at least, I will not be risking food at all.

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