Tick… tick… tick… tick……….

January 22, 2008 at 9:53 pm (adoption, family, foster, fostering, home study, homestudy) (, , , , )

There are two weeks until we find out if we passed our homestudy.

Well, one of the more different things about this two week wait is that, unlike all those medicated cycles of fertility treatments, where I had symptoms to analyze and sticks to pee on, I really have NOTHING to make any indication of our success or failure. I’ve spent some time thinking about the silly things I used to obsess over, cramps, temperature charts, queasiness, invisible HPT lines, tender breasts, or what one woman coined “porn-star nipples” (my friends and I had a chuckle over that). I remember once, early on, slicing open a green pepper and finding a perfectly formed baby green pepper inside, I was convinced it was a sign (Yes, it’s ok to laugh at that one, I won’t hold it against you). I say this not to convince you of my insanity, but to indicate to the uninitiated how overwhelmingly all-encompassing trying to conceive is for those who are truly infertile. Every moment of every day, it was all I thought about, and while the signs and symptoms really were nothing more than the creations of a desperate mind, they served a purpose. They gave me hope, they sustained me through a wait during which each moment contained an eternity.

Please don’t misunderstand, I have hope that this will work… hope is all I have. Unfortunately, the events which gave me hope are going further and further into the past with each passing day, and I am having to cling to fragmented memories of a week that flew by in a flurry of interviews. There is no ambiguous HPT residing in my medicine cabinet, beckoning me to tilt it every which way under various light sources. Tomorrow morning I will wake up, and everything will be the same as it was today, that twinge I felt today in the area of my uterus was likely a cyst popping, and I know that. And so I’ve been trying to keep sane, and keep the hope alive, by doing little things like writing a story for my future child, compiling songs for an “I love you no matter what” CD (any suggestions are welcomed), and catching up on my favorite adoption blogs.

One of the treasures of blogland has to be this guy. He is a stay at home adoptive dad, struggling through a position made for women. He’s doing a great job, admits his pitfalls, seems to really respect his wife, and above all, he really adores his daughter, and he really “gets” what parenthood is all about. The entry that I linked to above is just a cute little chuckle, where he learns to understand intimately what women go through each day at home, as it becomes a part of who he is.

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The Road Not Taken – Robert Frost

January 13, 2008 at 5:27 pm (homestudy) (, , , , )

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

In truth, I attempted to take the more traveled path for many years. Diagnosed with PCOS when I was 13 years old, I always knew my path to motherhood would not be an easy one. Still, I naively believed that a few of the more aggressive fertility treatments would grant me the blessing of motherhood I so desired. For 10 years I have undergone treatments of all sorts, from Clomid to Femara, injections to IVF, all with no success. But this Blog isn’t about any of that, it’s about how my husband F and I will become permanent parents.

Three years ago F and I attended classes to become licensed foster-adoption parents. We had always known we wanted to adopt, but we had to wait until my age was within the limits acceptable by our local youth protection offices. When that time came, we signed up and began the longest wait of our lives. Every six months or so, a social worker would phone us, tell us that our wait would not be much longer, and then we would not hear from them again for another half a year. It’s been three years now, and finally we’re in the active process of the homestudy.

I must admit, the idea is daunting. Here is one woman, she will delve into the most personal and private aspects of our being, and then she alone will decide whether we are fit to be parents or not. Actually, daunting is an understatement – it’s absolutely frightening. I understand the need for this process, but it does not make it any easier. What does make it slightly more bearable is that I really like our social worker, she seems to be very open minded, and I hope that makes a difference.

So far, it’s been a whirlwind. The process that usually takes 4-6 months is going to take us less than a week. She seems very determined to run us through this process quickly, we believe this is because she already has a case in mind for us.

The first meeting we did last Wednesday morning, it was our couple’s meeting. She asked us things you would normally think of about the child(ren) we are willing to take, our neighbourhood, jobs and house… but she also asked us some other questions that had never crossed my mind. She asked us what we would do if we ever separated, who would be the babysitters, what sort of biological parents we would be willing to deal with and how we would feel about visitations even if it set the child(ren) backwards in their development. This meeting lasted four hours, but it would likely have lasted about two if there hadn’t been a host of brand new laws she had to explain to us.

The second meeting was with F alone, it was Wednesday afternoon. She asked him about our sex life, his family, his work and made him draw up a schedule for both him and me. It lasted about 2 1/2 hours.

The third meeting was Friday morning, and was with me alone. She asked me about my family – which was stressful since my Uncle was recently arrested for drug trafficking, about how I learned about sex, how I met my husband (which had also been a part of the first meeting), and I filled out some forms about intimacy. I also had to make a schedule for F and myself, presumably to compare them. This meeting lasted approximately 3 hours.

Next Tuesday will be our in home evaluation, I’ve been cleaning like a mad woman since last week. I’d say I am losing sleep, however I’ve been so very exhausted that I’ve passed out pretty early each night. There will apparently be some activities for us to do with her in the house, so I will make a point to post about them afterwards. I know how relieved I would be if I could know what to expect, so maybe my experiences will help someone about to go through the same thing.

Our evaluation will be decided upon on the 30th of January. I do not know how long we will have to wait after the meeting to find out the results, and I have no idea how long we will wait for a placement, though since she seems to have a specific situation in mind, I’m pretty sure that if we’re approved, the wait will not be long.

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