Weirdness

January 19, 2008 at 10:19 am (adoption, foster) (, , , , , )

Well, my dreams for the past few nights have been 1000 shades of “weird”. The night before last I fought dreams of houses murdering babies and children. The kids then became mannequins in disjointed pieces which needed to be pieced back together. Try as I might, I could never find all the pieces to make them whole again, and so they walked around with gaping holes in their torsos trying to find their missing piece. Last night, my dreams included reborns (life-like dolls that some women carry around with them and treat like real babies) and adult babies (a fetish mostly indulged in by men who, as the name suggests, like to be treated as babies). Neither is something I’m interested in, nor would I ever be… though I’ll admit to finding both subjects fascinating, like a movie you want to stop watching but just can’t. I’ll also admit that I find reborns to be an exceptional art form, and wouldn’t mind having one of the better ones to display in my home (no beating hearts or breathing mechanisms please).

These odd dreams, quite clearly, are caused by my stresses about this whole foster-adoption process. While the first one has clear meaning, the dreams of last night are more obscure, though they too revolve around some sort of non-traditional child/parent relationship. I suppose my unconscious mind is just trying to make sense of this whole experience.

Advertisements

Permalink 1 Comment

Morning Sickness???

January 15, 2008 at 8:34 am (adoption, homestudy) (, , , , )

Well, I spent the night tossing and turning, it was not a restful sleep at all.  I did sleep though, I was too exhausted to do anything else.  All night my dreams rotated around the same theme, having children placed with us.  In one dream, we sent back a child because her cheekbones weren’t right, in another, the biological parents were perfect and we were the ones who neglected the kids.  It was quite nightmarish actually, because I could feel my mind fighting these things, I knew, even as I slept, that they could not be real.  In a few dreams, we had cat-like children placed with us, which I thoroughly blame on JM, a former friend of mine who used to dream of giving birth to kittens during her fertility treatments.  This whole ride (infertility, adoption, etc.) just really messes with your mind.

What no one told me, not online or in person, was that I’d spend the morning of the home evaluation vomiting in the same toilet I spent half an hour scrubbing last night.  It’s nerves, and I can still feel it, but since my stomach is now empty I think I’m done with my “morning sickness”.  Funny thing was, I spent the whole time thinking about how I would now have to rescrub the damn toilet.  *sigh*  Oh well, at least I don’t have months of this, but for today at least, I will not be risking food at all.

Permalink Leave a Comment