Sadness

January 14, 2008 at 9:07 am (homestudy) (, , , )

In the past week I’ve been running the emotional gambit.  I’ve been nervous to no end, excited, happy, worried – but for the most part I’ve been experiencing some level of euphoria.  That all changed this morning.

I was laying in bed and as usual I was thinking about the future.  Then it hit me, right now, somewhere close by, my family is waiting for me.  It was a happy feeling at first, but it soon changed as I continued to think.  SOMEONE ELSE is caring for my family, SOMEONE ELSE knows their names, their genders, their birthday, and SOMEONE ELSE has seen them smile.

How horribly selfish of me to even care, but it is the nature of the beast I suppose.  Adoption brings with it a whole host of issues that the traditional family does not, and while I get to skip 40 weeks of worry and 48 hours of labour pains, I do have to face other worries, and other pains.

I feel better now, though the echo of this morning’s sadness still remains, I am far too busy to dwell.  The social worker comes tomorrow afternoon and I still have a bathroom to scrub and cupboards to clean.  She told us not to worry about cleaning up… yeah right!  Does anyone actually listen to that advice?!?

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The Road Not Taken – Robert Frost

January 13, 2008 at 5:27 pm (homestudy) (, , , , )

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

In truth, I attempted to take the more traveled path for many years. Diagnosed with PCOS when I was 13 years old, I always knew my path to motherhood would not be an easy one. Still, I naively believed that a few of the more aggressive fertility treatments would grant me the blessing of motherhood I so desired. For 10 years I have undergone treatments of all sorts, from Clomid to Femara, injections to IVF, all with no success. But this Blog isn’t about any of that, it’s about how my husband F and I will become permanent parents.

Three years ago F and I attended classes to become licensed foster-adoption parents. We had always known we wanted to adopt, but we had to wait until my age was within the limits acceptable by our local youth protection offices. When that time came, we signed up and began the longest wait of our lives. Every six months or so, a social worker would phone us, tell us that our wait would not be much longer, and then we would not hear from them again for another half a year. It’s been three years now, and finally we’re in the active process of the homestudy.

I must admit, the idea is daunting. Here is one woman, she will delve into the most personal and private aspects of our being, and then she alone will decide whether we are fit to be parents or not. Actually, daunting is an understatement – it’s absolutely frightening. I understand the need for this process, but it does not make it any easier. What does make it slightly more bearable is that I really like our social worker, she seems to be very open minded, and I hope that makes a difference.

So far, it’s been a whirlwind. The process that usually takes 4-6 months is going to take us less than a week. She seems very determined to run us through this process quickly, we believe this is because she already has a case in mind for us.

The first meeting we did last Wednesday morning, it was our couple’s meeting. She asked us things you would normally think of about the child(ren) we are willing to take, our neighbourhood, jobs and house… but she also asked us some other questions that had never crossed my mind. She asked us what we would do if we ever separated, who would be the babysitters, what sort of biological parents we would be willing to deal with and how we would feel about visitations even if it set the child(ren) backwards in their development. This meeting lasted four hours, but it would likely have lasted about two if there hadn’t been a host of brand new laws she had to explain to us.

The second meeting was with F alone, it was Wednesday afternoon. She asked him about our sex life, his family, his work and made him draw up a schedule for both him and me. It lasted about 2 1/2 hours.

The third meeting was Friday morning, and was with me alone. She asked me about my family – which was stressful since my Uncle was recently arrested for drug trafficking, about how I learned about sex, how I met my husband (which had also been a part of the first meeting), and I filled out some forms about intimacy. I also had to make a schedule for F and myself, presumably to compare them. This meeting lasted approximately 3 hours.

Next Tuesday will be our in home evaluation, I’ve been cleaning like a mad woman since last week. I’d say I am losing sleep, however I’ve been so very exhausted that I’ve passed out pretty early each night. There will apparently be some activities for us to do with her in the house, so I will make a point to post about them afterwards. I know how relieved I would be if I could know what to expect, so maybe my experiences will help someone about to go through the same thing.

Our evaluation will be decided upon on the 30th of January. I do not know how long we will have to wait after the meeting to find out the results, and I have no idea how long we will wait for a placement, though since she seems to have a specific situation in mind, I’m pretty sure that if we’re approved, the wait will not be long.

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