Sadness

January 14, 2008 at 9:07 am (homestudy) (, , , )

In the past week I’ve been running the emotional gambit.  I’ve been nervous to no end, excited, happy, worried – but for the most part I’ve been experiencing some level of euphoria.  That all changed this morning.

I was laying in bed and as usual I was thinking about the future.  Then it hit me, right now, somewhere close by, my family is waiting for me.  It was a happy feeling at first, but it soon changed as I continued to think.  SOMEONE ELSE is caring for my family, SOMEONE ELSE knows their names, their genders, their birthday, and SOMEONE ELSE has seen them smile.

How horribly selfish of me to even care, but it is the nature of the beast I suppose.  Adoption brings with it a whole host of issues that the traditional family does not, and while I get to skip 40 weeks of worry and 48 hours of labour pains, I do have to face other worries, and other pains.

I feel better now, though the echo of this morning’s sadness still remains, I am far too busy to dwell.  The social worker comes tomorrow afternoon and I still have a bathroom to scrub and cupboards to clean.  She told us not to worry about cleaning up… yeah right!  Does anyone actually listen to that advice?!?

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